I bitch a lot....I sometimes feel my opinions are valid...sometimes it's just me bitchin'. I think it's the greatest thing in the world to express oneself. This is me expressing myself. You may not agree with my rantings but they are my own.
March 16, 2008
Have you noticed how available we are? You remember the days of NOT picking up the phone when it rang and just let the machine get it? Now, I get "Why aren't you answering your cell?" As if, I couldn't possibly be doing anything else except waiting for your call. I don't even like the phone anymore...I would rather text...the only time you should call me is if we are meeting up and I need further instructions. I know, it's a bit much.
I also don't like that there are cameras everywhere. I feel like if I need to pick my nose or scratch my butt that someone out there is watching. I think the whole Big Brother things is closer than we think. GPS devices in cell phones, cell phone cameras everywhere, things like being texted to notify you of a person's arrival time, all these things will just be getting more advanced and more part of our society. It scares the shit out of me. I just heard there is a plan to have a text go to your boss informing them if your train is delayed. What if I wanted to have some early morning delight? I won't have an alibi anymore:( Now, will these things actually take place, I cannot predict, but they are notions floating in the minds of people wanting to make some major cashola.
Look at what is happening to the hiring process. A man fired from his job at a Catholic school because his MySpace says he's gay. This is personal rights we're dealing with as well as just plain ol discrimination. I recently had an interview which lead to the conversation of who I was rooting for in the Moto GP this year. I was flattered and eager to talk about it, but I asked how it was they knew of my interests and of course the answer was MYSPACE. How much information is too much information?
Wake up people, because if you are putting pics up of your kids in the tub, if you post those Spring Break pics of you and Joe Schmo having a circle jerk, if you are telling people every single little detail of your life....well don't you think that there are people there looking in your window? I don't need to know every single detail of your life. Common interests - fine, but I don't need to know your class schedule and where you are going to be this weekend, nor would I want anyone else to know such things about me. I would be horrified if I couldn't "hide" sometimes. I have the media to keep me informed of people's whereabouts and scandals and I surely don't want to know yours. I feel like we're digressing here. We should be taking a hint from the Asians and the Europeans and start being a little more discreet, more mysterious if you will. SMARTER maybe. It's going to be scary when that line of privacy gets crossed and soon we'll have webtv a la REAL Reality Shows featuring you and the Missus having a role playing session. Are we that far off and will it be us or the government that will exploit us.
February 1, 2008
It's cold and very wet outside. I'm not really sure what I want to say...no, wait, I do. My subject today will be the facade that women and men have on relationships. A word of advice for all those married and in any type of relationship...the key to have a happy one is to let the other person be who they are.
I am not a clone of my husband and nor is he of me. We do not need to go to every event together, we do not need to eat together, nore do we need to be up each other's ass. This is not the type of relationship I want to be in. I get a lot of boys and girls asking me why it is that they seem stuck in their unions. The truth be told, we are going to get bored.
You're with that person for a long long period of time or plan to be. It is important that you do not grow into the other person but rather grow side by side. You ladies who don't let your man go to poker night or the strip club or have any type of fun outside your world, well that is just plain ludicrous. A man should be allowed to do the things that men do...being in a relationship requires trust and also requires you to allow them to know their right from wrong. You women should also know it creates a healthy environment for you both to allow your man to indulge in these things. The more you limit someone from doing something the more likely it is that they will stray...because they can and some of them will. It's your job to make sure he has something to come home to. Yeah, we get comfortable...we start wearing our jammy's to bed and decide on granny panties instead of Vickie's Secret. I'm not saying we shouldn't feel comfortable but we should at least take note of ourselves and delight in the fact that ultimately we as women have a major superpower!
Now, Ladies, we are not alone in this venture. You, as your man, should be allowed at least one night of frivolous activity. Men, please...we are women, we need to feel the attention of others. We are complicated and emotional and we get bored quite easily - it's not something a bologna sandwich or a football game can cure. Ladies, there needs to be such a night where you and your friends indulge in harmless flirting, drinking at a swank lounge and buying shoes. We deserve such treats. Hell, if you want to go to the strip club yourself, you go right ahead! The point is if you want to be treated equally then act like it. I'm tired of my guy friends saying they can't get the pool table they want or they cant come out because the wife or girlfriend said so....this disappoints me guys. I have the same issues with my girlfriends. Just because you got married doesn't mean that Friday night ladies night is out because in a matter of minutes you're going to be preggers and won't be able to go out!
So, let's all be honest here and realize that you and your partner are TWO different people and you BOTH need time to do the things you individually enjoy as well as those things you do together. The gist of it all is that you shouldn't be asking for permission as a grown person to do the things you enjoy doing.
January 6, 2008
As most of you know, I've only been talking about it forever, I've am currently unemployed. Someone suggested that I apply for unemployment. I'm thinking this is a great thing our government has implemented. How nice of them to use my tax dollars to help me out as I'm looking for a job. I get $405 a week from them. This is supposedly to pay for all my expenses while being unemployed. Not only do I have to stoop to the depths of being demeaned as an unemployment candidate, but I have to endure a bunch of bullshit in the process.
There are mandatory meetings I must attend in order to receive my benefits. These meetings are two hours from my home. I get to these meetings where I'm told that they can do nothing for me. BUT, if I don't attend these junctions, I will have my benefits terminated. Can anyone explain this to me? I have to take classes on how to get a job. Me, I've been employed since the age of 15, yet I have to take mandatory classes on how to get a job. Apparently there are some people out there who are working the system because I'm treated like a peon when I get to the unemployment office. I'm treated with disgust and rudeness every time I get on the phone with one of our lovely state employees. Ah, but these "benefits" were put in place to HELP me, to aide me on my quest of employment. I have been unemployed since October 8th. It's sad really. I feel incompetent and defeated.
So, while I could be going to recruiters and interviews tomorrow I have to spend my day in the unemployement while they scan over my resume, shake their head and reply once again with, "I don't know what it is you do, but we can't help you. Heh". I like putting my faith in our government and all the glorious help they provide us as we slave away in the job market trying to get ahead and compete with all the jobs being outsourced and given to those less worthy of such positions and salary. Keep your fingers crossed for me people because I aim to get out of this rut this new year and for all those in the same position as me, I wish you the best of luck.
December 1, 2007
I have taken the sage and cleansed my apartment as well as myself. I think that may do the trick. I recently did the whole Thanksgiving stint of going home for the holidays. I like going home but I'm always disenchanted with everyone's attitude and the fact that everyone stays pretty much the same.
I'm always amazed when I visit my friends. I'm always amazed that they, unlike myself have settled quite nicely into their lives yet seem to find it odd that I live the way I do. "How can you do New York," "Shouldn't you guys think of coming back," "Wouldn't it be easier for you to just find a job here," these are constant questions. Although I'm warmed by everyone wanting us to move back, I cannot fathom going back to live in a place where progress happens every ten or so years. Yeah, it is hard living here. Yeah, I'm unemployed at the moment. Yeah, I've put having a baby on hold. Yeah, it is expensive at times to be here. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've done something not many attempt to do. I got up and left.
I wanted to change my life. I wanted to get out there and do some things that I didn't think I could do. I wanted a challenge. I love my life. I love that I took a risk and have overcome many obstacles. I love that I took a challenge and new people have entered my life. Why wouldn't I want these things? Shouldn't we all push ourselves to venture out into the world and see what's out there? I mean how many times are you going to say, "I really want to lose weight, but I just don't have time to excercise," or, "I really want to start painting, but how can I make a life doing that." Is this life not given to us to do just that...LIVE.
I recently had three people die in succession. I think about that and wonder if they were happy and if they had done things in their lives that made it worth the living. It could happen tomorrow that I exit this existence and I don't want to look back and think how I didn't do the things I wanted to do. It is hard to motivate oneself sometimes. Trust me, I know. Some days I just want to lie in bed and forget about the world. But if I didn't get up every day and accomplish at least one thing or laughed or took a walk in the park then what's the point. How can we grow if we don't progress? All I'm saying is we have to stop making excuses and settling for what's mediocre. We have to induce change and add some variety, right? Mix it up a bit. Take that guitar lesson we always wanted to, learn how to knit, sing on the street, play in the rain...just because you get older doesn't mean you have to grow old. Live already.
November 18, 2007
Today I am one moody bitch....or am I? I have been unemployed since October 8th. I've been working a short term job that isn't very fun. I've come to the slow, throat tightening realization that I'm screwed. I know everyone has their good and bad days, but what happens when it has been two months of mostly bad. I'm not asking for a pity party, I just want to vent for a few and make it all go away.
I realized some things. One. I'm not a coder....I actually hate coding by hand. HATE IT. Two. I don't want a job coding. I just don't...I hate computer face. Three. Musicians don't make shit...unless you are Justin Timberlake or the such. Four. People are not here to help. They are here to get ahead and they will crush you in a moment's notice. Five. I'm about to turn 35 and have no real sense of what it is to make a living out of something I love to do because all my life I've been responsible for everyone else around me. Six. The only person you can depend on, is yourself. Seven. I'm going to have a heart attack before the age of 40. Eight. How is it that people who are complete idiots are worshipped and have a really good income? Nine. I have some amazing people in my life I call friends. Ten. This is where I make a wish....poof!
It is a rough patch in my life. It's hard to come to terms with the mistakes or bad decisions you've made because you think nothing will go wrong. If it can, it will. I'm looking for the light but someone keeps hiding the switch from me. I sometimes wonder how some people make it all work. I know this is a somber entry into my life but if I can share all the good news then you know there is the bad. All I can do and hope that tomorrow things will get better...they will, right? Thanks for the ears.
November 7, 2007
(photos taken by my cell phone)
There are a lot of things it takes to be a New Yorker...a sense of style, being able to tell people what you want and how you want it in less than 2 minutes,
knowing how to hail a cab and getting them into Brooklyn, these things as well as many others are certain characteristics of being a New Yorker. Me, being a transplant, I've learned a lot of things about it. It's part of becoming symbiotic with the city.This weekend I learned another thing. I had recently read an article in AM NY about how racial tensions may be stirring in New York. We all know New York is known for it's diversity and we're proud of that. When I visit elsewhere it becomes apparent to me how diverse it actually is.
This weekend I witnessed the ING New York Marathon for the first time and was moved.
I was moved that these people...thousands...Along with charity and guaranteed entry runners a total of 38,676 completed the race this year. Moved, I tell you. It was incredible seeing all those people from all those countries running their asses off, side by side for 26 miles. As, I was eating breakfast in Williamsburg that day, I was surprised to see the beginning of the line and stood for an hour watching, mesmerized by the sight. Old, young, handicapped, prosthetic legs, no arms, funny hats, proud countrymen...they were all there on the street...smiling, happy to be therre. I told my husband, "You realize that all those dudes in the front are from Kenya, right?" I thought it was funny because I said this while I'm in the restaurant eating my eggs, bacon and pancakes (Martin Lel - Kenya - Winner)...oof! I was waiting to see the guy who's smoking a cigarrette with a beer in hand running. I instead I saw Spongebob and the Blues Brothers among other vibrant characters.Anyway, as I'm watching, I turn around and comedian, Zach Galifianakis is sitting on a
bench and it made me smile because he was mentioned just the night before, and I knew I was suppose to be here. It was just a truly good day, beautiful out, and it just felt good to be in New York this day, watching these determined people complete their goal to the finish line. I'm glad people are out there pushing themselves...whether it's completing 26 miles or being a good samaritan or creating your own magazine *wink*...it just feels good to know that it can be done. And for all those who don't understand what it's like to be here, well it's pretty fucking awesome..I love that every day my world is full of diversity and that we all ride the train the same way.October 4, 2007
So it has been a while since I've written down my thoughts. I've had many, but sometimes expressing them in the written word can be difficult. Today I want to express my feelings on connections. I've recently been reintroduced to my past. Isn't MySpace grand for giving us the opportunity to find Michael so and so from 2nd grade elementary school who you shared your first kiss with? Or, rekindling what was once a lost friendship after 20 years. I don't know, I think it's pretty awesome because you get to hear how those people perceived you then and now they get to know you after years of life experience. It's moving in a way. It also creates a sense of who you've become and that life is just a big 'ol circle. People come and go and relationships form and dismantal and when it comes full circle it is a surreal experience. At least for me it has been.
People that have really impacted my life are suddenly back in it. People you never thought you'd ever see again or hear their voice or have a feeling about, are tangible again. The nostalgic feeling is great but it can also have it's downside especially when reevaluating oneself. I sometimes wonder if I was a bad person or if people thought I was selfish and destructive. What I do love most about it all is that I can actually see the growth as a person process. I mean maybe I'm being too sentimental about it but I feel this is a good thing. It basically boils down to life and what we're doing here. We're here to learn something right? I'm seeing all the steps that took place in my life decisions.
I guess what I'm trying to convey is that I'm proud to have known the people I have, good and bad. It has given me a sense of connection and a feeling that I did grow as a person and still am. That's all we really want, the basic communication and feeling that we are connected in some way. Why are these people finding me now, I'm guessing it's because facing your past makes you realize your future. So I say embrace it! It's good for the soul!
July 26, 2007
Below is a letter written by Ali Lohan, Lindsay's sister, to VH1. I posted this because I would like to point out that if Dina Lohan was such a great mom she would know her 13 year old girl can't spell or use basic grammar worth a shite. Note to Dina, put the martini down and stop enabling your children.
Hi david this is ali lohan, i want everybody to know the truth out there. My mom is a single mom of four children she has always been there for us, she was my mother and father and still is. My father is telling all lies to people and saying he was such a great dad and was always there for us, my father was never there for us, My mom was always there souporting us. i think that the whole reason why my sister is upset with her self and not as cofident, is because of my dad not being around, and always staying out late and not coming home for days, he would come back home never himself, he was always was making excuses for his bad behavior . And would always blame my mother. He just wants everybody in the world knowing that he was a great dad. He wasnt that is all a lie. I just want my sister to stick throught this okay, and my mother and brothers and i are there for my sister 100% and have always been. I’ve wanted to say this for so long and get this out there and let everyone know that our family is like a normal family but of course we are put under a microscope because of lindsays fame, lindsay will be fine she is just going through a rough time right now but she will be fine. i know this for a fact. My sisters is just like a normal sister. her and I have so much in common. My mother and sister are huge insperations to me, they have made it through so much in there lives. Thankyou for your time god bless, Ali
June 2, 2007
It just down poured and now it is gone. What a quick cleansing. As you all know I'm a huge futbol fan and I have a few people who are asking me what I feel about the arrival of Beckham. Well, it's like this...
I respect the man. I think he is really a great player. His skills on the field are world renowned and I like that he continues to push himself. What I don't like is all the publicity over their move to L.A. Once again the media will try and destroy another "celebrity icon". Do I think Galaxy will play better because of him? It may well happen. Do I need to see an intimate photo shoot with he and his robot wife? No, I do not. All I need to know about David Beckham is that he can strike the ball still. I don't need to see Posh making kissy face with him, I don't really need to see her at all because let's face it, we already have enough people who are famous for absolutely no reason whatsoever!
It pains me that they are feeding into that media hype and will become media whores like most American celebs...at least that's what I'm seeing so far. I'm so sick of people selling themselves out. Get some balls people and start having some integrity. Have some pride in what you do, don't just do it because it's going to get your picture in the tabloid or because you need to validate yourself to other people. It will catch up to you all evenutally...you poseurs out there. All those people who are riding the wave of celebrity will soon fall flat on their faces with nothing to show for it except for some trashy videos and hoohah pics. When will we stop feeding into this trash? When will we start demanding that people out there be true to their craft? We're the ones consuming this shite! Seriously, do we need to know everytime Nicole Richie takes a shit or if Lohan wrecked another car? What I need to know is why a court of law allowed Paris Hilton to be released or why OJ got away with it and why people are being so complacent about something that our country is built on? Maybe I'm reading too much into this but what I'm learning lately about the American judicial system is, if you gots the funds then you get to run. Sigh, perhaps I'm ranting too much about something that really shouldn't interest me?
My whole point is simple. David, welcome to the US of A. You will be treated just as the rest of these cheeky bastards in Hollyweird. Just remember to actually play some soccer and perhaps teach American footballers how to play the game. We will be seeing you in the movies soon and your wife on Dr. 90210. Good luck to ya.
June 2, 2007
I'm at a standstill here people. I'm at a crossroads in my life it seems. I'm wondering what's going to happen and if I'm headed in the right direction. In the past month I've been dealing with my idealism or rather my surrealist life. My job has ended up being a shell of a career. My idea for a clothing line has been unproductive. I live in NY and I need to find a job which I'm suited to. The real fact of the matter is that I don't want to work for anyone or rely on anybody for anything because in the end it turns up to be a huge disappointment.
Do I follow my dream or do I become my most hated notion? Do I risk my income for my dream? It's quite a hard decision to make when you have a $1200 apartment, a job which pays you shite as it is, credit card bills, a school loan (which got me nowhere), utilities, two cats, and any other crisis which may come up. Why do we get stuck in this cycle? Why is it that noone was there to tell me I could be anything I wanted or helped me follow whatever that was? Some people are blessed with that way I suppose, me, not so much. I've never been to Europe. Hell, I just recently made it to the West Coast. I still want the same things I wanted when I was younger, I am just having a hard time figuring it all out on how I'm suppose to get to point B from point NoWhere. Sigh, well, I know I am going to try with all my heart to do what I have to in order to fulfill this dream I have and hopefully it will be a success.
I would like to say that I hate working for corporations who pretend to not be a corporation. Your politics are still the same scummy kind as everyone else, you just choose to do it in jeans and t-shirt rather than a suit. I'll say what my friend Jeff is constantly preaching to me, "We sleep while they live." So true.
April 22, 2007
You know as I've gotten older I'm really trying to be a more tolerant person. I really am. I try to be objective and give people some sort of justification for their actions....yet I'm sorry people, I'm a very passionate person. I'm also incredibly professional or at least I try to see myself this way. I'm not perfect in any way nor do i claim to be. I can't emphasize enough of how important this project is for me. It is also my way of saying hey there are some people out there who are working diligently to maintain the things they love to do. This is a haven for people out there doing their own thing and doing it well.
So my purpose in this rant is to make perfectly clear what my goal is for Anti-Mag. I also want people to know I maintain this site, I do all the graphics, all the writing, and all the web design for this site. There is no "staff". There is no marketing person or someone telling me what I should and should not write. It's just me. So when I approach someone about doing a feature it's because I believe in what they are doing. I see something I love and can embrace about them and what they do. If I really wanted to please everyone I would call up people I know in the music industry and get Avril Lavigne or My Chem do an interview. That's not what this is about. This isn't the mainstream. This is my life and what I've grown up believing in.
When I offer you a feature in Anti-Mag I'm offering you an opportunity to display who you are and why you do what you do. I want people to know YOU...not who you know or who you work for or who your fans are. This is your opportunity to let my readers see you as a person who is outside the box. I want them to know that you are following what you love to do and they can to. So with all this said, don't give me your one word answers and if you do have a publicist you may want to school them on the art of being at least considerate enough to say "thanks" or "hey, here is the interview, let us know when you post." Anything more than nothing. To me, nothing says, " Here's your rinky dinky interview. We made sure to answer as skimpily as possible. You weren't worth our time." EVERYONE would know this if your PR person took the time to actually read my magazine. It's in the C O N T A C T section. At least have the balls to say something. I don't respond to nothing.
I have cat hair all over my black tank top today. I just sat on the couch. I hate that. the sun is shining today....I love that!
April 16, 2007
I just arrived back to New York from my visit to Virginia. I was then encountered with the news of VA Tech. I cannot attempt to deny this tragic event which is the alma mater for many of my friends and family. I have a few things to say about all this.
These are just random thoughts added to the shock and tragedy of the day's events. I'm also awaiting how the media is going to depict this event.
1. Why at 7:15am when the first shooting occurred was no one warned or aware of the incident?
2. Why are they comparing this to Columbine? Do they actually think parents of Columbine want to talk about their dead children now that there are new dead children? That's the ONLY thing they have in common...a school....a shooting.
3. Why are students smiling and waving to the cameras after 32 students and staff are dead and why would they be walking around campus?
4. When are people going to start waking up in this country and start dealing with the problems involving THIS country? When are we going to start demanding the truth instead of settling for diversions?
I'm angered by this nation's response to these tragedies. We need to start asking ourselves WHY these things are happening in our society. You cannot predict human nature. There is only so much security you can provide for a public place. At any given moment someone can lose their shit and there really isn't anything you can prevent there, but I guarantee someone will be blamed for this and it won't be the actual criminal. What it really comes down to is there are a lot of parents out there who just lost their loved ones in a place they would perceive as safe. It is sad and tragic that this event has taken place in our history. It is absolutely ludicrous that innocent people lose their lives in someone's momentary madness.
Lastly I just want to say that it is not guns who kill people it is people who kill people. A lot of you may not agree with this but criminals will always find a way to defy laws and will be able to obtain whatever they need to commit a crime ..illegally or not. At this point there is not a lot of information so I am hoping things start to come to light. My condolences to all those who lost someone today and a quick recovery for all those injured.
April 1, 2007
I have some random thoughts that have been passing through my mind recently. Nothing in particular so they are as follows:
Some people are shocked about the amount of drugs found in Anna Nicole's body. I was more shocked at how long it took them to find them.
I love that in my neighborhood Latino men will not get on the bus until the women have. Every single time, they will step aside and let you in before them. The other day I was in the elevator with upper management. All men. I was the only woman in there. Every single one of them left the elevator before me except for my co-worker Steve. Amazing.
Boys that are in bands. You are not god. You never will be no matter how tight your pants are and having the affections of 16 year olds is really nothing to be excited about. So stop prancing around like a peacock because you just come off like a plain old cock.
Little foreign women really like to push to get in the subway..its like they think the train is gonna leave them mid enter. What's the rush people...are you that much in a hurry to get to work?
Just because my husband is in a band does not make us friends. I don't know you and you don't know me, so stop pretending like we're old high school buddies...it's also most unflattering in women to gravel for the attentions of someone just doing their job.
Is it just me or is everyone super skinny all of a sudden? I feel like a fatass. I do however find it funny that my retoucher friends take pores and wrinkles away. I wish all you women knew how ugly celebrities really were...or not necessarily ugly but REAL. I still am pissed off at how Kate Moss continues to make money on her looks b/c she is NOT attractive in my eyes. I also think it's hilarious that if you are caught doing something wrong that the next day your pedestal will be higher.
I would like to start a campaign to bring class back to the classes. When I meet you for the first time and you're looking away to talk to someone else that is RUDE. The other night I met two guys THREE times in a half an hour span. WOW...
Why in the hell are shows like "I Love New York" and "Flava of Love" on television. I guess exploiting ghettoism is the thing now...which leads me to...
Global Warming is now trendy people...you hear that...get your celebrities, get your hybrid, and get it on people...cause everyone is going GREEN!
Does anyone care that Gwen Stefani has Japanese girls following her around like she's their goddess? Kinda weird if you ask me.
That's about it for right now...I'm sure I will have something to bitch about again soon...something more specific I am sure.